A Different Kind of Mommy War

By on 8-23-2010 in MobileMommyArchives

*Note this entry is from my previous blog’s archives (Mobile Mommy)

Aug 23, 2010 9:16 AM

A Different Kind of Mommy War


by Laurie

I actually try to stay far away from the Mommy Wars thing. We all do our thing and do the best we can do, at least that’s what we hope. But I have to admit that secretly in my head I’ve always felt I’m in competition with one particular mom – MY mom. Last week I was reading a post over on Hybrid Mom, about who the better mother is. And I posted a long comment. And in that moment, my first thought was that of course I’m a better mom. But since then I have thought and thought about it.

Am I a better mother than my mom? NOPE. Just like in the media’s version of mommy wars, every mom has to do things in her own way, the best way she can. My mom may not have lived up to my idealized version of what my childhood should have been. She may not be a stereotypical grandma who babysits or plasters pictures of her grandsons all over her house. But I do think she was as great a mom as she could be given her circumstances and the time and place she grew up and learned to be a mom.She still struggles with the consequences of some of her choices, but that is for her to own. For me, I really have to ditch the competition concept and just worry about making the best choices I can. I have to love my kids, try to help them through the terrifying growing up process and hope that when they are all done growing up, they appreciate the choices, the sacrifices and can see the grand scheme of things, instead of focusing on little hurts and disappointments.  hope that when my kiddos are criticizing me for my parenting failures, of which I am sure there will be many, that they can look deeper and see that I did my best with what I had available to me.

What else can any of us do? We can’t be perfect moms and it’s only with hindsight that we see exactly how the ripple effect of each choice we made played out. It’s easy to look back at what my mom did and think she could have done something differently. But in the moment? How often do you really see in any exact moment, in any particular choice, how it’s going to affect six choices five years later?

So for me, there is no better mom. There is only one mom to me, and only one mom to my kiddos. And we each are full of love and hope for the future. That has to be enough.

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