*This post was inspired by the Momalom 5 for 5′s topic of the day, CHANGE.
Sometimes I think I’m having a mid-life crisis, but I’m not old enough to have a mid-life crisis. Well, maybe I am, but I’m under 40 and so I don’t want to think of myself as being old enough. I’m calling this my mid-mom life crisis instead, it sounds younger. I love my boys, but when I think of the young years with them, I think of it as being a struggle I managed to get through. They were long years it seemed. Days were like sticky maple syrup that you moved through slowly and with ever increasing frustration. There were beautiful moments, but even the good days were affected by the never ending sleep deprivation. My boys did not sleep much. Actually, even still my 4 year old wakes up 1-2 times per night. Most nights he just comes and climbs in with me so it’s less disruptive, but still.
Generally now though I think I’m in an “easier” phase of being a mom. Kids who go to school. A four year old who is not quite in school but who is so independent. There are no diapers to change, no bottles, they walk everywhere, they can do it all themselves damn it. Well, at least they think so and I sure let them try. So while there is plentyof mom stuff to do, like chauffeuring everywhere, I feel like I can get back a little bit to being me sometimes. I can take time out to go and run. I can focus more on my business. I can let them make breakfast while I just drink coffee.
You’d think this extra freedom would be a good thing right? But instead it makes me more aware that maybe I’m not where I wanted to be at this point in my life. Didn’t I want to have my degree by now? Don’t I want to make more money or be fulfilled or even just thinner? I want to be different, I want to change and I can’t decide if I waited too long and I’m running out of time. I wonder if this is a mom phase, just like the tired baby phase or the tired toddler phase or the learning to separate when school starts phase. The phase of realizing you want to be more than just mom. Kind of like an empty nest phase before the nest is empty, but when it is starting to have empty moments.
I suppose when the adolescent years hit I’ll think of this time fondly? I hope so. In the meantime, maybe I need to go for a run.
Photos ©: Empty Nest by Robert S. Donovan, Flickr Creative Commons Change (featured image) by busy.pochi, Flickr Creative Commons22 Responses to “Mid Mom Life Crisis?”
I’m still smack in the middle of the days-like-maple-syrup phase (love that metaphor), and I ask myself all these same questions. On some level, I think it’s the nature of being a mom: to never feel fulfilled, to always wonder, to always need or want to do or be something else, something more, something better. On another level, I desperately hope I’m wrong!
Thanks Stacia! I think it is natural to not be quite fulfilled, but maybe someday we’ll find that sweet spot of contentment.
Stacia’s comments are generally, usually, quite often EXACTLY what I want to say. But she always says it better than I could.
I’m not in the diaper-changing years anymore, Thank God. But in still in the drippy slowness of smallish children, where everything pools at my feet and I’m responsible for cleaning every mess (metaphorically speaking).
I’d say you hit the nail on the head: go for a run. I think I need to do the same. (Darn it! Why can’t they ALL be in school right now!)
i know that feeling. i love my family and pour into them but even so, i am aware that all these chickadees will one day fly the coop. i spend a little time now trying to be more than a mom but it isn’t easy. time constraints. budget constraints. but there is time for it and it’s coming sooner than i’d like
Time and budget – exactly the problems! Thanks Amanda.
It is such the balance of being a mom–setting aside some of yourself to make room for the little ones, and then finding it again when there’s space for it. Some days, it feels exhilerating to have time to myself, time to dream and do. Other days, it feels terrifying and way too open-ended. Good luck in your crisis! May it be a crucible!
Thanks Heather!
Depending on who I spend time with, who I listen to, what daily life is like, I tend to feel satisfied and fulfilled where I am or desperately wanting more. As if at-home motherhood isn’t hard and complicated enough it seems to come with regular identity crises. But running definitely helps!!
Thanks Sara! Now let’s hope the weather holds and I can even run outside tonight. That helps even more than treadmill running
I don’t have it figured out, but I do try to remember that there is a season for all things. Maybe some small changes could help you move in the direction of where you’d like to be?
Small steps definitely work, I think I just need to be more patient. I’m not good at patient!
I think you might be in that sweet spot. I have some a little older and when they’re teens they’ll not want you there but being there is so, so important. But for now, enjoy the serenity, the run, that quiet cup of coffee.
Running is serenity, but only at the right times of day; coffee on the other hand is the sweet spot in the middle of any crisis
Yes, coffee helps! I like your phrase – “mid mom crisis.” There really do seem to be some years when you feel like no matter how many hours you’re awake and how much you do… it isn’t enough!
Time, budget, and I would add… energy.
And as one who is grappling with empty nest, let me say, it’s a double-edge sword. And I’m no less busy – and some of it is STILL for my boys!
Ah yes, energy. Energy is a much needed component which is far too often lacking. Although strangely enough the running helps me find more energy.
As for the empty nest doesn’t equal less busy, hey, no scaring allowed, lol!
THANK YOU for this post! Like Stacia, I’m in the middle of the maple syrup. I’m just getting back to running because my toddler is waking less at night and is up at 7 instead of 5. Like yours, mine didn’t sleep well until about 4.
And like you it feels as though, while my children wake up to increasing independence, I’m awaking to a sense of years that vaporized into the ether. Sure, each minute took seven minutes when they were small. But where’s my retirement account? My resume? I was going to go from a Master’s to a PhD, rework my novel, make something, do something, be something. And as they start, I feel unfortunately finished.
I’m not. But I feel that.
So yes. Let’s run.
As a avid runner, I certainly appreciate your serenity during a run. I think as I watch my only daughter get older, my questions regarding my identity are becoming a primary concern. No words of wisdom here, but know that I absolutely get this. Nice to “meet” you.
Thanks Rudri! Nice to “meet” you too
I’ve taken baby steps, like going to back to work very very part-time, reading more, making plans with friends, to try to find the me I used to be, or at least become a newer version of that me. My youngest 2 are heading to kindergarten in a few short months and my life will change again. I’m looking forward to seeing where things go from here.
The littlests go to kindergarten-nice! I’ve got one year of preschool left for my youngest, am really looking forward to kindergarten in fall 2013