The Stay At Home Standard

By on 4-18-2012 in Featured, That Mom Stuff

The Stay At Home Standard

I’ve been reading a lot lately about the whole insane Rosen/Romney thing. I don’t know why, I’m not even in the US! This stuff doesn’t seem to come up in our Alberta political debates, we’re too busy arguing about politician’s rights to free speech in their personal lives and conscience rights and similar insanity. Women’s issues seem to be under the radar, aka, ignored in our election. But I’m going off on a tangent. Back to my post topic!

In my reading I came across this awesome blog post from Abby off the record and I just had to share it and talk about something it made me think about (see Kathleen‘s comment especially). I have an ideal in my head of what a mom, especially a stay-at-home mom, looks like, and I don’t meet that ideal, and not because I work at home. I don’t clean, um, almost ever. I hate cleaning. I’m not organized or a volunteer type (well, I’m coaching soccer this year, but my kid had to guilt me into it!), I’m not always at the school helping with activities and in the classroom. I forget to book dentist appointments. I send my littlest to preschool for a break, not because of the learning experience. I try to make dinner most days, but if I wasn’t worried about my weight I would drop in to McDonald’s more than I do.

See, I realize the issue is that I feel guilty because I think I should want to live up to some spectacular standard of what a mom/wife is, but I just DON’T. I don’t want to feel obligated to be some kind of super cheerful, never minds giving more of my time, my kids are my life mom. My kids are a big, huge, amazing part of my life, but they still are just PART of my life. And I don’t care and don’t think it should matter if I (or other moms/parents) do paid work in the home, paid work outside the home, no paid work at all, blah, blah, blah. It doesn’t matter whether we get paid or not, except when it comes time to pay bills. As parents, we are important and valuable. And people who are not parents are important and valuable. In other words I’m not a fan of any wars, mommy or otherwise. I just want to convince myself that I don’t need to live up to my idea of what a mom is supposed to be. I want to just enjoy the ride and the messy house and all that part of being a mom, not get hung up on what is “best” and if I’m good enough and what choices other parents are making. I’m so glad I’m not alone in this. You all are with me right?!

*featured image © iQoncept –